The Perfect Wife by Lynsay Sands

The Perfect Wife (author's site):

It was to be hoped that her groom was partial to cherries. For Avelyn feared she would very much resemble one at their wedding feast. Too round, to red in the scarlet gown that was all she could fit into…and perhaps too tart for his taste? No doubt he longed for a sweet, biddable bride, one who was as tiny and trim as she was trying to appear.

Paen Gerville longed for a lively, well-rounded woman, one whose plump breast would cushion his head after the lonely, harsh life of a solitary fighting knight. At first his wife-to-be promised no such delights—her form was unbending, her health apparently fragile as she fainted into his arms as their first kiss. But one split bridal gown later, her assets were eye-poppingly apparent and Paen could only grin as he anticipated the surprises yet to come on his wedding night with… THE PERFECT WIFE

Review: I waited awhile to read this book. I really wished I would have kept on waiting. Maybe then, this happy little bubble I had for this book would not have burst like Avelyn's bindings. This story takes place in the late 12th century. Paen has been away fighting in the Crusades, which had to be the Third Crusade(1189-92) since Paen says that King Richard released him from service. This is where things get a little hairy for me, murky waters and all. Paen often speaks of being a hard soldier and being away years for the crusade, but the last crusade only lasted three years and was still within King Richard's reign. How, other than travel time, was he away for the crusade for the quantity that this tale suggests? I mean the Second Crusade ended forty years previous to the Third Crusade! You gotta watch when history buffs read your books.
Beyond quibbling over Paen's late claiming of his betrothed, there are more pressing matters to attend to. Avelyn comes across as a bumbling half-wit. It is never a good thing when writing about a 'pleasingly plump' heroine to have her come across as an incompetent fool. People tend to hold plus sized or larger than average people to a higher standard and presenting Avelyn in the way she was presented early on, only confirmed their beliefs. I know some claim that she was nervous and beat down for her cousins' taunting, but there is only so much a reader can take. The story took so long to get to a point where it was passably enjoyable that I felt I deserved some sort of metal of valor. Also, the suspense plot that ran for the last part of the story did nothing to make up for the dismal first half. If this was supposed to be a humorous story I wasn't laughing. Okay, I laughed for a few pages at the beginning but then it got old and repetitive. The love scenes between Paen and Avelyn were well done. I also like David, Paen's squire. Overall, I would pass on this book. There is not a lot to draw you in and keep you. If it wasn't for the fact that I wanted a non-erotic, historical to review for this blog, I would not have even tried to finish it. Even if Avelyn was skinny and still presented the same way, I would not have likeed this book. If the first half had been present more like the second half, then I would have liked this one. Can't say I'll try this author again.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Here's a little 'turkey' for you to gobble. Enjoy these Turkish delights! (^.~)

Baby Daddies and, uhm, 'Turkey' Stuffing: The Agent's Secret Baby by Marie Ferrarella

For some reason unknown to me I have been reading baby daddy/hidden pregnancy/love child stories from Harlequin. I know. I have really hit rock bottom. Since this is confessions of a dirty girl, I am asking for forgiveness for this heretofore unknown weakness of mine.

Now that that is out of the way on to the book to review:

The Agent's Secret Baby:

Eve is pregnant with your baby. The anonymous tip leads undercover DEA agent Adam Serrano back to his lost love, Eve Walters. The gorgeous veterinarian had stormed out of his life upon discovering the "truth" about his identity. Though it nearly killed him, disappearing had ensured her safety. Now he's a father and must see for himself that Eve is okay. Renewed desire fuses them together despite all common sense. Then Eve and their baby become targets in his dangerous world. To survive, he must regain her trust. In the end, he needs to choose between family and duty, life and death.

Review: Don't gag on your giblet gravy when you read this sordid tale. This story barely has a tiny toe in reality. I had to check the front and make sure this wasn't a farce instead of a romantic suspense. Eve, nearly thirty, gives up her virginity to Adam (that's right Adam AND Eve!) in a night of overwrought passion. Eve turns up preggers and Adam doesn't want to be around because he is living on the edge, a man with a hard life, blah blah, etc. Well curiosity gets the better of him and he appears before Eve. This is when reality sets in for the book. Eve, more than two-three-four weeks(the author never really decided and just used these numbers at different points) to her due date, starts having contractions when she sees Adam. Her water breaks and about ten minutes later pushes and has her baby. Speed birthing leads to speed healing, because at three weeks postpartum she has been all cleared for sex. Woohoo! Yeah. If you expect anything other than silliness from this book then you will be sorely disappointed. This turkey tale and baby daddy story will not even lure you from the noxious slaver your family will shove on you during Thanksgiving festivities. While you may want to pass on this story, make sure to get second helpings of that pecan pie.

imnsho: Crappy Romances

Just one of those days: I've been reading such crappy romances lately that I've wanted to gouge my eyes out with rusty spoons. Dug up one of my favorite songs that really captures the essence of my recent relationship with the stories I've been reading. I love everything about this song and this video(and that guy is so adorable >.<). Time for some British indie pop:

Check These Out

Fully rounded heroines article:
http://romance-author-buzz.blogspot.com/2009/11/chick-lit-offers-fully-rounded-heroines.html

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2009/nov/01/chick-lit-heroines-weight-fiction

Check this wikipedia article out, very interesting:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romance_novel

Romance Wiki

Hotly Bedded, Conveniently Wedded by Kate Hardy

Hotly Bedded, Conveniently Wedded:

Alex Richardson has the ultimate playboy lifestyle, moving from one luscious, long-legged woman to the next. So why would he want Isobel, his short, curvaceous friend who loves him from afar?

Alex needs a convenient wife--and Bel is his first-choice bride! Shocked at his proposal, Bel has doubts about his crazy plan. Then Alex gives her a taste of just how hot they can be together, leaving Bel begging him to finish what he started--on their wedding night!

Review: There's a first time for everything and for once I like a Mills and Boon story. This is a Harlequin Presents series novel from January 2009 and can be bought individually, so you don't have to buy the whole bundle. Despite the requisite cheesy cover and overly dramatic synopsis, there is a real tale here. Something beyond bodice ripping and scandalous roguish playboys of stereotypical romance fare. Isobel has went through fertility problems that led to a divorce from her insensitive husband. Alex has had commitment problems due to a bad burn, but nothing to the extent Bel has. While Bel may not be plus-sized, she is curvy. Something in which Alex glorifies. This is a very fulfilling read. Since Alex was an archeologist and Bel worked in a museum, this story was full of history. I loved it . I am shocked and pleasantly surprised that what I would, on face value, pass this off as another category romance to be forgotten. Not so! There is a deeper tale here and one, that while not personal to me, I felt was handle with a care and understanding. I highly recommend that you read this tale, it is definitely a one-time read and probably a keeper for me. I will be on the look out for more by this author. That being said, it such a shame and a disservice to this story to have such a gaudy title, cover and summary. This is otherwise a decent enough tale made garish and tawdry.

Hot in Here by Sophie Renwick

Hot in Here:

She wasn't his kind of dish-until someone turned up the heat...
Celebrity chef and infamous ladies' man Bryce Ryder can't believe the thoughts he's having about his old friend Jenna McCabe. She's always been the shy girl next- door, but when some bad publicity threatens everything he's built, Jenna gets down to business- and shows a side of herself that is take-charge and totally irresistible.
Soon things are heating up in and out of the kitchen-and all of Jenna's secret fantasies about Bryce start coming true. But will she be the one to tame his heart, or is the sexy chef just indulging another one of his cravings?


Review: This is this author's debut novel?! Hot in Here is a very good novel, not perfect, but damn good for a first published story. It was hot. That was done right. I did not like, however, how Jenna attempts to be the 'I just want sex not a commitment' seductress. I hate when authors force the characters to turn themselves inside out and make them go against their beliefs to try and get a man. If you can't be yourself and express you're feelings, why go after the guy if he is that shallow and chauvinistic. Jenna is so hard headed and defensive that she totally misses Bryce's obvious feelings. Of course, Bryce is not above reproach as you will read, yet to this reader Jenna was annoying too often. At times I felt like I was reading Andre's Take Me and that is not necessarily a good thing in my opinion. On the point of Jenna's size. The author takes great pains early on that Jenna is not a size zero, has tits and ass and is very curvy. Then she dashes it to the earth with her feet my making pains to state that she in not plus sized or over a size 14. Whatever, sure she's curvy but not fat or plus sized. It was at odds with comments made by other characters in the story. On this point she does have a plus sized sister and hopefully she will feature in her own book as there were hints in this story. So I look forward to a Trey and Sarah story (HINT, HINT!!), while I enjoy this keeper and reread.

100 POSTS!!

Wow, 100 posts! My other two blogs barely made it to twenty. To celebrate this milestone in my blogging adventure I will gift to you, fair reader, the most f#%@ed up cover I have seen to date. Look and die a little on the inside.

Powerful Greek, Unworldly Wife by Sarah Morga

Powerful Greek, Unworldly Wife:

Gorgeous Greek billionaire Leandro plucked plump Millie from her farm and swept her into his glamorous world! Wrapped in his arms and draped in diamonds, she thought nothing could touch their romance.
But the deepest, darkest betrayal did. Her sister claimed she was expecting Leandro's baby. So Millie ran away, distraught. The designer dresses had clearly never hidden how unsuitable and unglamorous she truly was.

Now, though, Leandro's powerful voice is demanding that his wife come home. And, to her shame, she's willing….

Review: The things I must go through for the sake of bringing "fatchick" books to readers attention. I am almost as saintly a martyr as Millie, yet just as ruthless as Leandro. Seriously folks, this type of story is the reason I stay away from what I consider more traditional romances. I will admit I do like some, but all the ones that I've truly disliked have been Mills and Boon imports. Maybe I just don't like British authors of traditional romance. This book exceeds at everything I hate about this genre: weak, dirt under the doormat low, silly, spineless, no redeemable quality heroine and an arrogant, stubborn, insensitive, self important and high-handed hero. (Note to self: stay away from all whinging pommies from now on). There is absolutely no reason to read this book as neither character inspires empathy or even the slightest spark of like towards them from the reader. Millie is the worst type of heroine in my opinion and Leandro doesn't fare much better. The story seemed to be part of a larger tale that was left off. The reader was left to flounder about in an attempt to figure out what was going on. Not good. I usually try to give books with a "plump" character, so-called in this case, the benefit of the doubt, but avoid this one at all costs. This one made me feel ill and well abused. It was taxing to just finish the story.

Graceful Submission by Melinda Barron

Graceful Submission (from publisher):

Plus-sized Grace Kinison lives a dull life. She’s a teacher and aspiring author, who does nothing but work, and then write on her novel. That is until she becomes a cyber submissive.
Grace has agreed to help her childhood friend’s husband plan her surprise birthday party. Grace thinks her fellow party planner, Toffer Shelley, is a writer on a TV show. What she doesn’t know is that he’s the show’s sexy star, Drake Dawson. He’s a Dom, and he wants to work his magic on her.
When Grace runs into trouble at work her cyber relationship turns into the real thing after she travels to Hollywood to meet Toffer. She’s thrilled to be meeting her Master, until she realizes that he’s the most gorgeous man in Hollywood.
But Toffer won’t let Grace judge him by his looks. He takes her on a sexual journey full of bondage and submission, which give her strength to overcome challenges in her own work.

Review: This was actually one of the first tales I read by Barron and one of the first bdsm tale I read. There are things I like about this story and things I don't. I did not like how Grace 'met' Toffer on the internet, flew to his home and basically blindfolded and trussed herself up naked and alone in his house. That is so scary. So unsafe. Within this story I know that the author was using that as a trust point, but please, please, never do that in real life. It did upset and hurt Grace some that she did not know Toffer's other identity. Think about all the really horrifying things that could have gone wrong. *shudders* Grace and Toffer's initial online chats are fun. It still takes a bit to think about online/phone sex and bdsm and how that works. As a DD bra wearer myself, I find it hard to believe that Grace was able to hide those and that her coworker just suddenly found them, DDs are hard to hide. This story of course falls back onto the jealous, skinny ex who just happens to be a model. I wonder, if Toffer liked full bodied women, why didn't he date one? Why have sex with someone you don't like? They apparently didn't have a bdsm relationship. This is a great one-time read, but just wasn't as good on reread for this reader.

There is a follow-up short for this story that I will review at some point.

Pink Buttercream Frosting by Lissa Matthews

Pink Buttercream Frosting (from publisher):

Desire: Blend sinful with sweet. Whip to perfection. Don’t forget to lick the spoon…
Aidn Greer is a much-sought-after Dominant in the BDSM lifestyle with an unusual problem. He hasn’t owned a submissive in more years than he cares to think about. He’s bored with unchallenging women, yet mentoring other Doms and training subs has left him cold as well. He’s craving something other than plain old vanilla—a taste of something sinfully sweet that, for once, he can really sink his teeth into. Professional cake baker Bailey Harris wasted ten years bored to tears with her marriage, enduring a job she hated, and harboring a secret desire for something passionate, fulfilling and dark. Then she found it…in the world of BDSM. Exploring on her own brought the kind of mind-opening experiences that led her to declare her independence—and exposed a yearning to find the one Dom for whom she’s willing to kneel. Permanently.
When Aidn and Bailey meet, it’s fire and ice. Sugar and spice. And an experience that satisfies every detail of both their fantasies. Almost. While the big, beautiful sub is everything Aidn wanted, her fierce independent streak could be more of a challenge than he bargained for…

Review: This is the first story I have read by this author. Lissa Matthews appears to be relatively new on the erotic romance scene as her website only shows three published stories. PBF is a bdsm story between a newbie sub, Bailey, and a reluctant dom, Aidn. Aidn and Bailey both have had issues in the past. Bailey divorced her husband because he didn't want to delve into the bdsm lifestyle. I find it hard to swallow that. If love, trust and friendship is there, why dump you're life for spankings. Hmm, I guess I just don't get that. Personally, I would never leave my husband because he couldn't/wouldn't fulfill a fantasy. Aidn had a sub he shared with a friend, who cheated on him with said friend. Hmm, maybe that comes from not being monogamous, you share so maybe she thinks you don't mind if she dilly dallies with the guy you usually share her with. I don't know.
Another thorn is that Aidn does not like, or finds overweight women attractive, yet he peruses Bailey. He is constantly coming to her and either having sex or fondles her to orgasm and then abruptly leaves saying he can't be involved with her. He even uses her weight as an excuse. Not exactly 'great catch' material. After repeated dumpings, Bailey gets it through her frosting filled head that he can't commit, even though he has said such. She meets a hunk-o-man-meat who has got the supreme hots for her and loves her curvy body, yet she is ripped away by Aidn for their own, umm, HEA, I guess. The I don't want to commit, especially to the fat girl routine is too much for me. Why does Bailey pursue a man who doesn't want her? Why not go out with buff studly from the bdsm club? Personally, I would have dropped Aidn like a hot potato and explored a relationship with someone who really wanted me, curves and all. Definitely, a one time quick read, only if you're bored. Very, very light on the BDSM, to almost non existent, so much that it's not really a bdsm story.

This author has another 'curvy girl' story and I will review it at another time. It is a bdsm story with bdsm sex themes.

Breaking the Silence by Katie Allen

Back to our regular scheduled "fatchick" romantica reviews (^.^)

Breaking the Silence (from publisher):

After enduring a horrific childhood, William Jackson lives a solitary existence working as a computer programmer from his Minnesota home. His safe routine is blown to pieces when the daily sight of an unknown woman walking her dog sends his heart into a tailspin. Jenny Fitzgerald’s love life is at a definite low. Her only potential date in sight is her annoying and creepy coworker, Evan—until a stunning man appears before her like a gift from some kindly sex god. Who is she to turn down what’s offered to her on a hunky blond platter? Will and Jenny’s friendship develops as their hunger grows into love. Meanwhile, a jealous Evan watches, his rage building until it explodes in a brutal act of violence that tears Jenny’s life apart. Will struggles to help her rebuild her courage and sense of self as his own demons and fragile memories threaten their chance at happiness—but perhaps they can learn to heal each other.

Caution: If you have been through sexual trauma recently or at anytime, then you may want to steer clear of this story. The attempted rape scene is realistic and violent and may trigger flashbacks or strong emotions. I just want you to be aware that this book contains this material, which could be hard to handle if you feel emotional vulnerable.

Review: Wow, I started back to my normal reviews with a whopper. This is an excellent book with a great depth of emotion. The sex scenes were, yes, hot but so, so much more than that. It all becomes even more poignant when you look back as things about Will's past are revealed and after Jenny's assault and attempted rape. Wonderful book. Katie Allen gets it as close to right for the reader on everything Jenny feels after her assault as she can. Unless you have been through it personally, you can never truly understand those emotions. When Jenny describes her rape exam, I was flooded with memories of my own. She talks of screaming. Yes, I get that: forty hairs from your head and pelvic area, plucked not cut because they need your skin attached. The cold, clinical and painful exam can be just as much like rape (left feeling vulnerable, violated and little dignity) and I got Jenny. Will and Jenny along with Christian are some of the best characters I have come across in awhile, especially Will. I loved Will, especially how he loves Jenny's curves. I love how Jenny does not worry about her size, although we never know exactly. For once, the never exactly knowing, is fine by me. This is an excellent book, that you must read and keep and reread again.

BTW, as this author has written m/m content books, it would not be overly surprising if she wrote a Christian follow-up. Those interested might want to keep an eye out. Don't know if will happen, but Allen doesn't seem adverse to writing m/m stories.